Posted in Family, Flashes

Feet Firmly Planted In Mid-Air Waiting For The Next Trapeze

Within reasonable time I got a call. “I think this is a good opportunity for you. Better than living with Beatriz. These two are business partners, proprietors of a health food / organic goods store. I sensed some good kharma when I spoke to them. There’s definitely good kharma. They smoke but not in the house. They take it outside so their flat doesn’t get dirty from smoke.” Knowing the agent was a South American living in Spain, I was impressed with her use of kharma while my teacher-brain mused if she really understood what it meant. I mentally gave her A-plus for effort and asked the same question I’d asked the first time, “is this for long term?” Most schools require a year’s contract. The schools where I taught wanted me to stay for the calendar teaching year even if they weren’t giving me an actual contract. “Yes, they want someone long term. They said definitely long term.” She gave me the contact information for my second good opportunity and I arranged to meet one of my potential roommates (or flatmates if you’re British), a woman named Mattia, the next evening.

Oh, by the way,

I found out from a British colleague that flatmate and roommate hold two different meanings. For Americans, roommate simply means the person you share your apartment or dorm with, you know – the rent and utilities, so in American English roommate would be equivalent to flatmate. For everyone else in the world, roommate means someone you share your bedroom with and implies something more intimate. So if you go on a gameshow and are asked this question and win a bi-zillion dollars because you were the only one who knew the answer…

you’re welcome.

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Posted in Fiction & Poetry

Days Of Flatmates Passed: Burn Notice

 

Flatmates moving out
Don’t be helpful I think
But I thought too late
As I gathered up the pile
Of lesson plans and homework
Stuck together with spent prophylactics
Happy I was wearing my utility gloves
These I’ll discard, get a clean pair for dishes
I sighed
As an empty contraception packet
Slipped from between
No easy feat
For it I mean
Getting through passion’s gunk
Don’t want to imagine how lessons were planned
Into the trash with the last of the homework
A mental command
Good luck with your grades
But the floor is clean

 

I can’t help but muse
She doesn’t want children
Still she could have been more careful
Insect repellant was missing
Flyswatters too
Sarcasm it’s true
Plastic wrap could have been handy
In a number of ways
And large rubber bands
That caused me to laugh
Like when someone dies
Credit is given
For something not earned
I know nothing of her man
Didn’t want to
For health’s wellness and wellness’s health
This should be burned

 

I’ll have to say when my time has come
To move out too
I’ll miss my bidets
The Europeanism of temperature control
At least they have them
In this place where I am
Not European per se
Not Asian exactly
But I guess cold water freezing hemorrhoids
Is punishment from above for still being human?

Or is it humane?

So ends sublime thought as I peel my gloves off
Using a biohazard technique
Keeping quarantine clean
For my sake for certain
Possible infection at bay
Now where’s that disinfectant spray!