Posted in Books & Stories, Family, Fiction & Poetry

Rationalize Backwards To That Safe Place And Don’t Move

 

 

 

It’s sad I guess, no one wanted to talk

All too busy

Lack of truths hurts the heart

Even expected, so familiar this way

Heaviness weighs, hope sinks for a moment

But it’s resurrection day

 

To commemorate what

Let’s think

Brutality, murder, abandonment

How could you leave me this way?

But wait, that was past Friday

Why hear it today?

 

So I’m sitting here now

Heavy-hearted anyway

How soon before I’m told

Don’t bother anymore

Life with you is just too old

Don’t come around

 

New relationships enter in

Who invited them but

 

There’re others now

No history they hold

Easier to deny, easier to unfold

You never happened here

No memory to hold dear

It’s all your fault that life you shared

 

I was surprised too

I did my best and didn’t burden you

You found out later after the fact had gone

 

No turning back from this

A forward path anew

New life forever clear except to you

Never liked you anyway

Makes it easier to do

Though pain won’t go away

 

That’s mine

It finds a spot and stays

Dwell on me not or what they say

 

Find a place

A culture steeped in sin

The deadliest and true

Look away turn around back straight

Remove the stars, the bars

Not worthy of our ranks

 

Matriarch of the ranks these days

Kids have no respect

Ha!

 

Social class rules

Financial class too

We’re finished now with you

Neatly placed right in the trash

Be free to be all that you are

It will not touch us this your scar

 

But you had a hand in this too

I came to you

 

Advice you gave now you deny

Laugh head thrown back, safe from afar

Stay close now life

Here I go and see us through

Step forward motion

Will have to do

 

 

“Whoa… that’s depressing. I don’t like the way this came out at all.” She who was named after a saint looked at the screen shaking her head. “Named after a saint or was it just a lottery I didn’t get named Barbara Ann because my cousin was born first.” Each side of the family had a different story, a different take on how it all happened. Having a husband was the norm. If you weren’t part of the norm it was whispered about but love ruled! No one was left out. In those days everyone was pregnant at once. It all was contingent on who went into labor first. The family was tight. Picture three to five pregnant women, Italian pregnant women getting together over cake and coffee discussing names, and at the same time standing as long as they could at the stove making sauce and meatballs. Was there ever a day with no spaghetti? Margaret Mary read everything over. “I’m digressing. What did I want to write? What brought this to mind? Let me start again. Hmmm, Margaret Mary… I’ll have to google her and find out if she was anything significant. Naming a kid after a saint invites a world of trouble before s/he even gets started, well, in my case she. I prefer the lottery theory. But I didn’t really want to write a dirge. Seemed like a good idea at the time…”

 

Good morning Sunday though indeed you rain

You’ll be warm enough that’s a plus

Need to go shopping

So wanted to walk

Wonder how it’ll turn out

With writing this morning a bust

She was reminded of something she’d heard on a radio station from long ago, “the officer stuck his gun in her chest and said ‘this is a bust’…” She’d busted out laughing, “yeah, no kidding” – gotta love 60’s humor.

 

“No, that’s not it either. Think. Well, I love doing this so no stressure… I like that, stressure… oh, so what. It’s fine the way it is. The heart wants what the heart wants.” She sat back and thought. “No one wants to admit they didn’t see something coming, or the advice they gave wasn’t helpful, or better yet a back was turned instead of help given. Guilt is a waste of time. Face it and pick up from now. Yeah. Love’s the best thing we’ve got. Think I’m ready for coffee.”

 

She grabbed a slice of cold pizza from the table and went into the kitchen.

 

 

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Author:

I’m a self-published author of two books, a blogger, grandma, mom, auntie and friend... I’m also a TEFL instructor, have lived in a few other countries besides the US. I love walking, cooking, reading, traveling, teaching, learning, language, movies, vampires, mummies, zombies, other assorted creatures of the night, science fiction, romance, action, adventure, classics, Latin, Soave, Chianti, D’Abruzzo, Ouzo, Sambuca, Bulleit Bourbon, Plato, the ocean and tanning.

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